PTSD

Current Location: Tualatin, OR

WOW! Once again, I am flabbergasted by this blogging community. First, let me thank all of you who left comments. Your support and kind words touch me more than I can say. And also thank you to those who mentioned me in their blogs. I am truly honored by the recognition. I had no idea I could cause such a stir! ;)

Oftentimes, my writing is just a form of thinking out loud and I think this was one of those times. When I started the post, I think I had a slightly different direction in mind, but I wrote what was flowing through my brain and that's what came out. My inclination is to write and rewrite until I get it just right, but sometimes I think it's better to just put it out there and let it be.

As I was writing, I think I was answering my own self doubts. For me, personally, I need to write from the heart. Ultimately, my motivation comes from within. I do go through periods where I struggle with my self esteem and it is during those times I question why anyone would find interest in my thoughts. But then I have to remind myself that I write because I enjoy it and it helps me formulate and organize my thoughts. Have you ever found that you think better while walking? When I was working and I was struggling with an issue, I would often take a break to walk around the block and would frequently return with a much clearer mind. Writing, for me, serves a lot of the same purpose.

So would I keep writing without comments? Probably, but your comments really do encourage me and I truly, truly appreciate all of them. So again, thank you!!

And now on to tonight's subject...PTSD. Yes, I'm talking about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I don't think I realized how affected we really were by the tree coming through our roof. Certainly, at the moment it happened it was a big deal and it directly affected our lives for several weeks afterwards. But once we got the RV fixed and settled back in our home, I thought it was all behind us.

Not so, appearantly. The wind makes us all cringe. We have a storm front moving through and this afternoon, the wind really picked up. We do have one tree that is near the back of the rig and as soon as things started falling, the animals were basket cases. Hunter paced and whined and wanted to crawl in the smallest space he could find. Jazzy wasn't a whole lot better; his eyes wide open with every bang. And you all know how loud an RV can be in a storm. We tried to turn on the radio to drown out the scary sounds, but I don't think it was possible to turn it up loud enough (and we wouldn't have been able to stand it!).

But it's not just the animals. We both find ourselves cringing with every noise and neither of us particularly like being under trees, whether it's in an RV or on foot. This morning, we went hiking, trying to get in a little exercise and fresh air before the storm arrived. About half way through the wind started picking up. We were deep in the forest and couldn't help but watching the top of the trees swaying. It was just a wee bit unsettling and I think it was about that time that we picked up our pace.

I wonder if our "wounds" are still too fresh and if over time, our fears will calm. Or will we always have a wind anxiety? I know it's somewhat irrational. After all, what are the chances that a tree would fall on our RV for a second time? Especially so soon after the first. But I think we are all experiencing some level of flashbacks. With each bang, I know I visualize a branch falling and causing damage. Hopefully, time will erase, or at least dull, those memories.

Thankfully, the rains arrived and the winds died down. I doubt that any of us would have gotten much sleep tonight otherwise. I never thought I'd be so happy to see the rain! :)