PTSD

Current Location: Tualatin, OR

WOW! Once again, I am flabbergasted by this blogging community. First, let me thank all of you who left comments. Your support and kind words touch me more than I can say. And also thank you to those who mentioned me in their blogs. I am truly honored by the recognition. I had no idea I could cause such a stir! ;)

Oftentimes, my writing is just a form of thinking out loud and I think this was one of those times. When I started the post, I think I had a slightly different direction in mind, but I wrote what was flowing through my brain and that's what came out. My inclination is to write and rewrite until I get it just right, but sometimes I think it's better to just put it out there and let it be.

As I was writing, I think I was answering my own self doubts. For me, personally, I need to write from the heart. Ultimately, my motivation comes from within. I do go through periods where I struggle with my self esteem and it is during those times I question why anyone would find interest in my thoughts. But then I have to remind myself that I write because I enjoy it and it helps me formulate and organize my thoughts. Have you ever found that you think better while walking? When I was working and I was struggling with an issue, I would often take a break to walk around the block and would frequently return with a much clearer mind. Writing, for me, serves a lot of the same purpose.

So would I keep writing without comments? Probably, but your comments really do encourage me and I truly, truly appreciate all of them. So again, thank you!!

And now on to tonight's subject...PTSD. Yes, I'm talking about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I don't think I realized how affected we really were by the tree coming through our roof. Certainly, at the moment it happened it was a big deal and it directly affected our lives for several weeks afterwards. But once we got the RV fixed and settled back in our home, I thought it was all behind us.

Not so, appearantly. The wind makes us all cringe. We have a storm front moving through and this afternoon, the wind really picked up. We do have one tree that is near the back of the rig and as soon as things started falling, the animals were basket cases. Hunter paced and whined and wanted to crawl in the smallest space he could find. Jazzy wasn't a whole lot better; his eyes wide open with every bang. And you all know how loud an RV can be in a storm. We tried to turn on the radio to drown out the scary sounds, but I don't think it was possible to turn it up loud enough (and we wouldn't have been able to stand it!).

But it's not just the animals. We both find ourselves cringing with every noise and neither of us particularly like being under trees, whether it's in an RV or on foot. This morning, we went hiking, trying to get in a little exercise and fresh air before the storm arrived. About half way through the wind started picking up. We were deep in the forest and couldn't help but watching the top of the trees swaying. It was just a wee bit unsettling and I think it was about that time that we picked up our pace.

I wonder if our "wounds" are still too fresh and if over time, our fears will calm. Or will we always have a wind anxiety? I know it's somewhat irrational. After all, what are the chances that a tree would fall on our RV for a second time? Especially so soon after the first. But I think we are all experiencing some level of flashbacks. With each bang, I know I visualize a branch falling and causing damage. Hopefully, time will erase, or at least dull, those memories.

Thankfully, the rains arrived and the winds died down. I doubt that any of us would have gotten much sleep tonight otherwise. I never thought I'd be so happy to see the rain! :)

What Is The Purpose Of This Blog?

Current Location: Tualatin, OR

Once again, I find myself in a blogging block. And I think all of you are to blame! When I first decided to write a blog, it was primarily to keep our closest friends and relatives apprised of our location and excursions. I also wanted to keep some type of journal for historical purposes, so that when I lost my memory in old age (uh oh, I think I'm well on my way), I'll have something to remind me of these days. I wasn't particularly self conscious because I wasn't sure anyone would be reading. I just wrote what was on my mind. As a matter of fact I published my first several posts before I even shared the link with anyone! I wasn't even sure I was going to share it, but I must have let it slip in a moment of weakness.

And a funny thing happened. I gained followers. At first it was just a few, but the number kept growing. Now I'm up to 81 publicized followers and I know there are many more lurking in the shadows. A few of these folks I know personally, several others are fellow bloggers whom I follow, but many are people whom I don't know. I don't know how they found my blog. They've never left a comment or initiated contact. I don't know if they read regularly or just occassionally or if they still follow at all.

I am flattered by it all. It still amazes me that anyone would choose to read my ramblings, when there is so much more entertaining stuff out there. There are far better writers than me. And there are certainly those who are more diligent about writing. So why me?

Ultimately, it doesn't really matter. Suffice it to say, I am humbled by it. But that humbling has also led to a problem. Pressure! I feel like I need to write for you. I feel like I need to publish regularly to hold on to my audience. And I feel like I need to write interesting, informative pieces to keep you coming back. Although I've always told myself that I'm writing this primarily for me and it doesn't matter if anyone reads it, I know that's not really true. Having an audience is kind of addictive. Although I don't measure my success by the number of followers, it is certainly flattering to watch that number grow. And I have to wonder that if I stopped receiving comments, would I eventually stop writing?

So while it is motiviational to have followers, it also causes a challenge for me. You see, I'm a bit of a perfectionist and if I'm going to write knowing that it will be read by others, I want to write something good. And if I don't think I can do that, then I will procrastinate and not write anything at all. It's a bad habit and I've thought more than once about giving up this blogging business altogether; but I like writing and I like being part of the blogging community, so I'm not ready to stop just yet.

From the beginning, I've struggled with what I want the focus of this blog to be about. Do I want it to be a travelogue? Do I want to focus more heavily on the full-timing lifestyle and what it's like to live in a small box on wheels? Do I want it to be educational for those interested in RVing, either part or full-time? Do I want to keep it more introspective and talk about things like why I don't blog more often? I don't know, but I've always felt that I needed a direction. The one thing I do know is that I don't want it to be mundane. I don't want to talk about what I had for dinner or how many loads of laundry I did today. I realize that that's all part of the lifestyle too, but I think that's boring, both to write about and to read. But just in case you're wondering, I've done 4 loads of laundry over the last couple of days, made a trip to Super Walmart to stock up on groceries, and made a quiche for dinner tonight. :)

As I write this, I think the answer to my question is becoming clearer. I think this blog is probably a little bit of everything. I am introspective by nature and although I am a fairly private person, oddly I find it pretty easy to write about my feelings (much easier than talking about them!), so I will no doubtedly continue with my reflections. And although we tend to stay stationary for longer periods of time, we are still busy exploring and I would like to share our experiences. I definitely want to share more pictures. I'm getting better about remembering to take my camera, but I'm slow to get the pictures uploaded and if I wait for the pictures, I may never publish a post. I hope that some of my babbling will be educational and I will try to share tidbits of what I learn everyday. But mostly, I think I just need to write whatever's on my mind.

Maybe my blog doesn't need a singular direction. Maybe by just sharing whatever topic surfaces will be educational and interesting. And hopefully my writing will be good enough...

Do any of you fellow bloggers struggle with what to write about and how often to write? Or am I just crazy??

Exploring Portland and Beyond

Current Location: Tualatin, OR

The days seem to be flying by. It's hard to believe that today is the last day of January. We have been keeping busy finding out Portland is all about. Shortly after arriving, we made a list of all the things we wanted to do while we're here. If we don't write it down, we'll forget and we'll find ourselves pulling out of town with a lot of "wish we had done that"! Our original list contained more than 15 items and as quickly as we're marking old ones off, we're adding new ones. While that means we'll probably never complete the list, we're certainly trying to make the most of our time here.

We figured one of the best ways to learn about a city is to take a guided tour. On Saturday we took a walking tour of Portland (http://www.portlandwalkingtours.com/). It was a little pricey ($19/person), but for 2 1/2 hours of entertainment and education, I think it was well worth it and would highly recommend it to anyone visiting the city.
A few little fun facts about the city:

• How did Portland get it's name? There were 2 primary landholders who each wanted to name the city after their home city. One was from Boston and the other was from Portland, ME. They argued for quite some time and could never come to an agreement. Finally, the townspeople had had enough and forced a decision. A penny was flipped and the winner would get to choose the name. So Portland was literally named by a flip of a coin.
• Portland is home to the smallest park in the world (designated by Guiness Book of World Records). Originally, there was supposed to be a light post here, but the city never completed the project and instead the median remained dirt and weeds. A local newspaper editor, whose office window overlooked the median, was notorious for griping about the city for years and stating that he had the worst view in the city. One day, he planted a bush there and from that day on, his outlook changed and he praised the city in his columns. (yes, that little tree in the round median is the park!)
  

• Portland is becoming well-known for it's sustainability, social consciousness and eco-friendliness. There are many miles of bike lanes (I don't remember how many, but several hundred) and one stat that our guide gave us is that there are over 17,000 bike commuters daily. That's a lot! They are trying to become the most eco-friendly city in the world. But biking is not the only way to get around. Apparently, skateboarding is also a common means of transportation, as noted by the skateboarding lanes!
  

After our tour, we moved on to another "must visit" in Portland - Voodoo Donut. Now, let me say that we're not donut connoisseurs. I never fell for the Krispy Kreme craze and I can't remember the last time I even ate a donut. But this place was consistently listed on all the 'visit Portland' sites and it is supposedly "world famous", so while we were downtown, we decided to check it out. Well, it certainly does have its following. As we approached the building we could see a long line of people outside. I figured it was for something else, but as we got closer, it was evident that they were all waiting for donuts! The line was a mixture of young and old, local and tourist. How could we not join the ranks and stand in line? And stand we did, for probably a good 30-45 minutes! If we had known it would take that long, we probably wouldn't have waited. But once we were in line and watched as the line continued to grow and grow, we couldn't give up our spot. After all, all these people must know something, right? We finally got inside the very small little, non-descript storefront. There was not really a menu to speak of, just a huge variety of donuts. Some were pretty basic looking, but others were topped with everything imaginable (froot loops, cheetos, bacon, oreos, and so much more). So was the wait worth it? Probably not. The donuts were good, but they're donuts. Personally, I would have preferred a freshly baked cookie or even a fresh piece of warm bread. (I guess that's my age speaking!) Although I'm sure they were just recently made, they weren't "fresh out of the oven" hot, nor was there even any scent wafting around to torture us while we waited. But we're glad we experienced a piece of Portland culture and it's not like we had to be anywhere else!

The line (notice the small, handpainted sign before the marquee. That's the door. We probably would have walked right past if not for the line!):

With our sugar buzz in high gear, we buzzed around the city checking out a few more sites, until the sugar wore off and we crashed and were both ready for a nap. It was a full day, but thoroughly enjoyed learning about and experiencing the city. Although we are not really city people, we really like the vibe of Portland and look forward to venturing downtown again soon.

Almost every day we try to get out and see something new. That is one advantage of not working - there's ample time to explore - and we're taking full advantage of it. Of course with no income, we need to be frugal and many of our outings cost nothing, other than some gas. Oregon has a vast state park system, several of which are close by. We try to get out and hike as often as we can, when the weather cooperates.

Tyron State Park, a rainforest in the middle of the city!

We actually have had pretty decent weather. Granted, we've not seen much of the sun, but the area has been experiencing an unusual "dry" pattern the last couple of weeks. Of course, dry is relative. Coming from the arid Colorado climate, I would not exactly call this dry. Most mornings there is fog and the grass is damp. But I guess because there is no rain falling from the sky, they consider it dry. OK, I'll take it!

One morning last week, when the valley was particularly shrouded in fog, the weatherman said the coast was clear and sunny, so we decided to take a drive out there. We didn't really have a specific destination in mind, but knew that Hunter would appreciate a good run on the beach. These days, he only has about 5 minutes of good running energy, but it's still amazing to see him let loose and go! One of the many nice things about Oregon is that dogs don't have to be on leash on the beaches, just under control. Not that we probably had to worry this time of year since the beaches weren't very crowded, but we do like to adhere to the rules. Unfortunately, the weatherman wasn't exactly correct. Once again, I think their weather terms are relative. We did experience some sun on the drive out, but it was pretty overcast and a little foggy in places. But it was still pleasant and we had a great time.

Cannon Beach:

We still have a long list of things we want to do while we're here. We have reservations here at the park until mid-March so that will hopefully allow us to check off many of the items. Despite the weather, we are enamored with the state of Oregon. I don't know exactly why, but it just has the right feel to us. If we ever decide to settle down, this would be high on our list of places. And until then, we hope to return often. Of course, the "problem" with this lifestyle is that there are so many places to go and we want to see them all! It's difficult to think about returning to places we've already been, no matter how much we like them, when there are so many unexplored areas. It's a tough life, but someone has to live it!