A Long Overdue Update

Current Location: Valley of the Rogue State Park, OR

Hello! Is anyone still out there?? I know it's been a long time...too long. I won't be at all surprised if all my faithful followers have gone elsewhere, but in the event that at least one of you is still lurking, I thought I'd post an update.

So just a quick recap of the last several months. As planned, we did spend the summer in Portland. Tracy was able to extend her accounting contract until mid-August. Pretty good, considering it started out as a 6 week contract! They even asked her to stay permanently, and she went as far to inquire about it even though we agreed that it would have to be a pretty amazing offer to entice her to stay. It wasn't amazing enough, although she still stayed on several weeks after that to train her replacement.

My job at the RV park ended on Wednesday, August 31. Although I had originally planned to work through Labor Day, it turned out that a completion at the end of a pay period was preferable, so we agreed on the end of the month, which suited me just fine. I was more than ready, having hit that wall about mid-month. My role changed throughout the summer. I was originally hired for the front office, but it was clear from day 1 that they were overstaffed. I hoped that as summer arrived, it would be busy enough to keep us all entertained, but that was not to be. And I am not one that likes to be bored so I asked if there was any grounds work that I could help with. I started working one day a week outside, as weather permitted, helping with minor landscaping chores. That quickly grew to the point where I was asked if I wanted to move to grounds permanently and that's what I ended up doing most of the summer, with the occasional day in the office to fill an absence. Overall, I preferred the physical activity and fresh air. Most of my time was spent pushing a mower...4-5 days a week, 8 hours a day got pretty monotonous by the end of the season. Add to that some difficult attitudes and an ex-Marine boss ('nuf said) and I was glad to see the end.

We did finally experience the good weather of the Northwest. We had a great summer, with lots of sun and only a few days topping 90 degrees. We certainly had it better than a lot of the country, so no complaints here.

We stayed very busy through the summer, experiencing as much of Portland and the surroundings as we could fit in. Although we didn't do everything we wanted to (do you ever?), we were ready to leave. Ultimately, we still believe we made the right decision staying in Portland. We had some great experiences and we learned a lot. Will we return? Probably not, and that's ok. We still like the culture of Portland and for a city, it would be near the top of our list. And there's so much we like about Oregon, but we would certainly pick our dates differently!

Our hitch itch was getting strong, so we left Portland yesterday, September 1. Yep, less than 24 hours after my last shift, but with Tracy not working, she was able to prepare everything. Because we hadn't planned to leave this early until just a couple of weeks ago, our options for Labor Day weekend were somewhat limited. We were adamant that we wanted to camp (after spending so much time in RV parks) and pretty much focused on the Oregon State Parks, which we have come to love. We really wanted to head to the coast but getting reservations out there was not to be. So we headed south to a beautiful state park just south of Grants Pass, Valley of the Rogue. It sits right along the Rogue River and we have a beautiful, large site overlooking a huge meadow. The sites are spacious and although there are RVs nearby, we are on a corner lot so all we see from our front door is the meadow. We are back in our element...again! :)

We will stay here until mid next week, waiting until the holiday crowds are well gone. And then we're not sure where we'll go. Since we really wanted to spend some time on the beach, we may back track a little bit and head that direction. Or we may continue eastward toward Crater Lake, another must-stop destination on our list. Ultimately, we are making a slow trek back to Colorado for a while, planning to take about a month to get there.

So that's a quick, or maybe not so quick, update of the last several months. But I also wanted to share a little about why I quit writing and more or less dropped out of the blogging world for awhile. As many of you know, we were dealing with some emotional turmoil when I last wrote. To some extent that continued throughout the summer. I felt that my last several posts were all on the depressing side, and although I always want to write true to my heart, I didn't want to continue to be a downer. Sometimes, there comes a point where you just have to regress and work things out on your own and I think I was reaching that point. In addition, it was difficult to find inspiration to write so I just walked away. For those who were loyal followers, I'm sorry if it seemed abrupt. I appreciate the several of you who reached out to me directly to make sure I was ok. And for all of you I followed, I apologize for lapsing in my support. I hope to get back in the swing of blogging now that we are RVing once again!

Our long term plans are unknown at this time. We have questioned whether we will continue full-timing. We love it when we can live the lifestyle we dreamed of. But we continue to struggle with finding the balance of where we want to be with where we feel that we need to be in order support ourselves financially. We don't want to simply live in an RV in order to claim that we're full-timing. I think that you would all agree that there are certain sacrifices we make when living in an RV and most of those are well-worth what you get in return, namely the ability to travel. If we're not able to get the return we're seeking, then is the investment worth it? We do not yet have that answer, but we continue to seek it daily. We accept that our pace will be slower than most, but then again we're younger than most so perhaps that's ok. If we can only travel a couple months out of the year, like we are doing now, then is that enough? I don't know.

Upon returning to Colorado, we plan to settle for awhile and regroup. I have some dental issues which need to be attended to and could result in some lengthy recovery, so we want to stay nearby. We also feel that Denver offers us one of the better possibilities for jobs since we have a strong network there. We don't know how long we'll stay, but it will mostly depend on our employment situation. At this point, we're considering all our options and will make the necessary decisions as the times come. Although we're not seeking to settle back down permanently, if circumstances are such that that appears to be our best option, then we are willing to consider that. We realize that we don't have to make any long-term decisions today and we are just trying to let fate run its course. I do believe that if we're meant to stay, we'll know it; and likewise, we'll also know if we're meant to continue on.

But for now, we're just going to enjoy being back in our element and take full advantage of the next several weeks. Whether it is the end of our full-time journey, or just the start of our next phase, we'll find out soon enough! Until then, thanks for listening to me ramble once again! It feels good to be back! :)

Thank You

Current Location: Fairview, OR

Thank you, once again, for your kind words, support and suggestions. We have taken them all to heart and are working on our attitudes. And ultimately, we know we have nothing to complain about. We have our health, we have our home, and most importantly we have each other. With all the recent devestation and loss of life in the southeast, it seems so petty to find issue with any aspect of our life. We are extremely grateful for everything we have.

We are doing much better. We are still working to find peace in our current situation, but have also started planning what comes next. We are eager to continue on with the journey we started. We have agreed that it is too soon to give it up, nor do we want to give up. We haven't even given ourselves a chance to succeed, or fail for that matter.

Speaking of failure, that is one of the things that I found myself fearing. As we were talking through our feelings, I mentioned that I felt we had something to prove. Like so many of you, we had our share of naysayers. We also had a lot of people who were living vicariously through us and cheering us on. I guess I felt pressure to be successful for all of these people. And with the pressure to succeed, frequently the fear of failure joins in. But the only people we have anything to prove to is ourselves.

The other day I heard this quote by Samuel Beckett:

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

And it hit me. There's really nothing to fear. When we started out, we really had no agenda other than to experience life. There's no right or wrong. The only failure we could have had is if we didn't try in the first place. From here on out, as long as we're true to ourselves, it can only be successful. If we try something and it doesn't feel right, then it's ok to admit that and try something different. One of the best things about this lifestyle is its flexibility. Sometimes it's hard to remember that a seasonal job is not a career. Renting an RV site is not a long-term investment.

I find it kind of funny now, but one of the things that freaked me out is that this park is about 70% long-term residents. And by long-term I mean years, some upwards of 20 years. Although a small section of the park is reserved for short-term guests, overall the park has more of a mobile home park vibe (although the managers are very strict about the appearance so it doesn't look like a trailer park). I felt sucked in, as if I were never going to be able to leave. Over the last few weeks, I've heard multiple times "I thought I was going to travel too, but I stopped here and never left.". All of a sudden, I feared that would be us. Was this our new life? This definitely wasn't what I signed up for!

It now seems somewhat ridiculous admitting to this. Of course this isn't our life. It's difficult to extricate ourselves from the illusion because we're not surrounded by other RVers. Our neighbors are all stationary who just happen to live in RVs. Most of them don't choose to be mobile though. Our coworkers are all in long-term jobs/careers (I will have one other workamper who will be joining the office staff in late May so maybe that will help). We seem to be the anomoly, even in a so-called RV park.

The feelings we've had lately are ones that we never would have ever imagined. This life is full of surprises. But we'll continue to learn, as we do from each and every experience. Although we don't always understand, we know that these are all necessary lessons that we must work through.

So we will continue at our snail's pace for now, but will be eagerly awaiting the day that we can put the pedal to the metal, or at least shift out of first gear!

In closing, I would like to remember all those who were impacted by the recent storms. Hopefully, the wild weather is done with for awhile, but it is yet another reminder that nothing in this life can be taken for granted. Live your life today, for there may be no tomorrow.

LTD (Live The Dream)

Current Location: Fairview, OR

Yesterday, we drove out to Hood River during a warm and sunny afternoon. We didn't really have any agenda in mind, but just wanted to check out a new town. We knew that there were several micro breweries located here and had planned to have lunch at one of them. We chose Full Sail Brewery for no particular reason. They have a couple of limited edition beers on the menu, aptly named 'LTD', which are subtitled Live The Dream. Of course that immediately caught our eyes.

So what does 'living the dream' really mean? That has been a question on the forefront of our mind lately. As many of you have noticed, I've been absent for the last few weeks. Thank you to those who have worried about us. We are safe and healthy.

But I've been in a bit of a funk and guess I just haven't been motivated to write. I would like to blame it on the weather. SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is an actual affliction and I have no doubt that it occurs frequently out here. So maybe that is partly to blame. But I think it is a combination of things.

It started with our California gig falling through. I think that affected us more than we care to admit. I know things happen, many times for reasons unknown, and you just have to accept them and move on. We've done that (or are still trying to) but it doesn't mean we can't still be disappointed. From there, we made the decision to stay in Portland through the summer. We had many reasons for this decision and all are still viable, but we find ourselves doubting that we made the right choice.

Our feelings about the area haven't changed, but we feel like we've fallen off course. This wasn't the life we envisioned when we dreamed of fulltiming. We're living in a park that we don't really care for. We're working jobs that are providing financially but are not all that fulfilling. Isn't that what we wanted to get away from when we started fulltiming?

Don't get me wrong. The park is ok. It's clean and safe. It's rated a 5W in Woodalls rating (not that that means that much). Our jobs are ok. We both like the people we work with. But it's all just ok. We don't want ok anymore. If we're really living the dream, then shouldn't we be achieving more?

One of our biggest challenges, as I see it, is that we need to find the balance between making a living and living our dream. I know there's a reason that there's not many pre-retirees fulltiming. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. But I have to believe it is possible. I also know that it will require sacrifices, such as the sacrifices we feel we are making this summer. What I find myself questioning is how many sacrifices will need to be made to make it successful and will it be worth it?

I guess what we're really struggling with is figuring out what our dream really looks like. We have the idealistic view, but what about the realistic view? I don't want to be someone who simply lives in an RV. I want to be an RVer. And believe me, I've seen firsthand that there is a difference!

We are unsure what our goal is or even if we need to have one. Are we looking to have as many different experiences as possible? Yes. Are we wanting to explore different areas of the country to find a new place to settle down? Possibly. Are we looking to become rich? No, but we need to be able to sustain ourselves and prepare ourselves for the future. Do we want to continue careers in our current professional careers? Not really, but we know that those jobs are lucrative and for that we feel like we shouldn't dismiss them.

I find it ironic that so many of the doubts I had fought off while making the decision to fulltime are resurfacing. Things like 'you need to work high paying jobs to save as much money for that elusive retirement period', 'you are a college educated person, why would you want to work a minimally-paying, non-challenging job when you have the skills to get a real job', 'if you're out of the workplace for too long, you won't be marketable any longer and it will be much harder to get a job', 'you're just going through a phase, snap out of it and come back to the mainstream!'. Why are these thoughts all coming back? Is this all telling me something?

Do all of you have continuous doubts? Do you find yourselves reevaluating your decisions constantly? I wish I were the type of person that could just relax and go with the flow, but I fear the planner and analyzer in me won't allow that. Does that mean that I'm not cut out for this lifestyle? Am I fooling myself in believing that we can live this lifestyle and be financially stable at the same time?

Thanks for allowing me to blabber, gripe and think out loud. I know our current situation is short-term. One of these days, the rain will stop and the sun will stay out for more than a day at a time. In 5 months, our work will be done here and we'll really be rolling down the road this time, hopefully with some extra money in our pocket. I realize that no one can give us all the answers and none of us has a crystal ball. I just appreciate you listening and am grateful for any advice, life experiences, suggestions, comments or rants you want to offer.

And I want to assure you that we will work ourselves out of this. Often when I find myself confused and wandering aimlessly, I tend to 'disappear'. I stop writing because I feel like I just talk in circles. Sometimes I stop reading because I'm jealous that you're all finding ways to make it work while I seemingly can't. But I will return. So again, thank you for your concern and thank you for your support.